last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
