Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
