so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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