I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
