a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
