her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
