i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
