The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
