Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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