you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
