did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's just like the Real World with babies
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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