I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
