make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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