why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When did angry sex become our thing?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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