He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
