is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
