Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
