He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
