We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
