Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want her autograph on my taint
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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