I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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