Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
