She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
