note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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