I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
