Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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