why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You ruined the universe
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
