I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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