So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
false alarm. still invincible.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
