Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize