I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
