I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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