tonight lets celebrate not being married
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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