All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
