So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
