Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
