so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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