I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
