Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
