Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
