Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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