Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize