I think my fart just growled at me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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