so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's official drugs can't kill me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
