You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
