I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
