I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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