Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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