Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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