Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
