remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
