Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
