He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
