And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
