You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
