Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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