Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
