wrigley field is MILF paradise
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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