Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
