Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are all done wearing pants today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
