I cannot find my penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
