I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
