i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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