you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
