I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize