i will never coherently bang her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
