Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You ruined the universe
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
