So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
