I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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