Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
